No sane person is alone in worrying that they are indeed becoming their parents. Prior to having a kid, this particular piece of truth was whispered only in the dark recesses of my mind. But now, it is out in the open screaming louder than a cat walking across a lit 4-burner stove. It hit me at 3 a.m. this morning as I attempted to calm Izzy with the most famous line from the universal parent playbook: "This hurts me more than it hurts you." This was in reference to the blue bulb syringe I was using to vigorously suck snot from her poor little rudolph nose. As I uttered this pronouncement, it conjured images from my own childhood: toddler-me in the doctor's office getting a shot from the world's biggest needle; tearful-and-contrite-me receiving a multitude of well-deserved spankings for my latest transgression; and tomboy-me having a Louisville Slugger splinter extracted painfully from my throbbing finger. And, in tandem with these images, my parents droning this same unbelievable phrase: "This hurts me more than it hurts you."
But now I am a believer. The sound of her pitiful cry was viscerally painful to me, the bearer of the syringe. It really did hurt me worse than her! But then I had an epiphany...if I'm going to embrace the "hurts me more" mantra, then what about all of the other parental treasures? Am I expected to say, "One of these days, you'll thank me" with a straight face? Or how about, "If all of your friends jump off a bridge, will you?" And in the acerbic category: "Do you want me to give you a reason to cry?"; or "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times!" and, or course, "Do you think money grows on trees?"
I don't really have a conclusion about my recent verbal vomit; I'm just waiting to see which archaic phrases from my childhood surface and trip off my tongue as Izzy grows. Am I doomed to admonish my child with, "Close that door...were you raised in a barn?!"
Thanks for listening to my rantings. And you'd better get back from that computer or you'll ruin your eyes.
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Hi Jen- You are really a good writer! I love reading and remembering those baby times. I remember those blue syringes and sucking out snot, but I had forgotten until you talked about it again.
ReplyDeleteOne of our better parenting moments was when Glen had to sit on Bonnie as a 4 year old to put in the painful drops for pinkeye. That was really hard to watch.
I love seeing all of Izzy's people and her pictures scrolling through. The ones of your Dad with her are especially dear.
We sent Izzy a teeny tiny Valentiney in the mail which is coming from the Bookguyz (through Amazon) which didn't offer the option to put a gift message on it. You will understand why I bought it when you see it. I hope you both enjoy it! Love, Gail